Well, here we are again. 3:30 am eating pasta roni and cereal and watching Curious George. Wish I could say this was a rare occurance, but unfortunately it has become somewhat of a ritual to get up in the night, feed Lincoln's never satisfied, ever hungry belly and wathch some George, Blues Clues or Elmo. At least we're not at Walmart in the middle of the night getting stared down by employees who probably thought I was an abusive mom out with my 3 year old at that hour because we're out of PastaRoni and it's the only thing he'll eat without having a complete melt down like last time he was on steriods. No, I learned my lesson. All his favorites will always be stocked before steroids week from now on.
I just have to power through three more days. Well, really more like five because the effects of the steroids take a few days to fizzle. But mentally I prefer to think three because he's done with the pills Wednesday night. Then he's off steroids until the first week of Maintenance. Then he'll only have then for five day stents rather than seven and let me tell you, right now two days less seems like a half marathon rather than a full and I'll take it. So things will get better. One day at a time. These are my mantras.
If you recall, when he was on steroids a couple weeks ago he so grumpy and demanding and threw crazy, hysterical tantrums throughout the day. He's still grumpy and demanding, but thankfully haven't had any of the devil possessed episodes yet. This time around he just seems so uncomfortable and miserable. He just lays around and wants to watch movies and rest in his bed...with me right next to him. I'm sure he is uncomfortable with all the food his poor body is taking in. He seems to have a love hate relationship with food. He asks for it and eats it ravonishly and then suddenly, sometimes mid bite, cries "all done" and looks like he might puke. But then he's asking for food again an hour later. My heart goes out to the kid. It really does.
I know I complain about how hard this all is on me a lot. And even though I know it could be worse and I still have a lot to be grateful for I probably won't stop. Because it's therapeutic. But the truth is, it's harder on him than me and I love him more than I ever knew I could. So I will watch George and feed him pasta at 3 am every night it's what he wants. I'll lay around with him day and night, while poor Sawyer self entertains and crawls and jumps all over us and keeps me smiling. Someday Lincoln will feel as good as Sawyer does. It will get better. Brighter days are right around the corner. I can feel it.