Monday, September 10, 2012

3 am with George

Well, here we are again.  3:30 am eating pasta roni and cereal and watching Curious George.  Wish I could say this was a rare occurance, but unfortunately it has become somewhat of a ritual to get up in the night, feed Lincoln's never satisfied, ever hungry belly and wathch some George, Blues Clues or Elmo.  At least we're not at Walmart in the middle of the night getting stared down by employees who probably thought I was an abusive mom out with my 3 year old at that hour because we're out of PastaRoni and it's the only thing he'll eat without having a complete melt down like last time he was on steriods.  No, I learned my lesson.  All his favorites will always be stocked before steroids week from now on.

I just have to power through three more days.  Well, really more like five because the effects of the steroids take a few days to fizzle.  But mentally I prefer to think three because he's done with the pills Wednesday night.  Then he's off steroids until the first week of Maintenance.  Then he'll only have then for five day stents rather than seven and let me tell you, right now two days less seems like a half marathon rather than a full and I'll take it.  So things will get better.  One day at a time.  These are my mantras.

 If you recall, when he was on steroids a couple weeks ago he so grumpy and demanding and threw crazy, hysterical tantrums throughout the day.  He's still grumpy and demanding, but thankfully haven't had any of the devil possessed episodes yet.  This time around he just seems so uncomfortable and miserable.  He just lays around and wants to watch movies and rest in his bed...with me right next to him.  I'm sure he is uncomfortable with all the food his poor body is taking in.  He seems to have a love hate relationship with food.  He asks for it and eats it ravonishly and then suddenly, sometimes mid bite, cries "all done" and looks like he might puke.  But then he's asking for food again an hour later.  My heart goes out to the kid.  It really does.

I know I complain about how hard this all is on me a lot.  And even though I know it could be worse and I still have a lot to be grateful for I probably won't stop.  Because it's therapeutic.  But the truth is, it's harder on him than me and I love him more than I ever knew I could.  So I will watch George and feed him pasta at 3 am every night it's what he wants. I'll lay around with him day and night, while poor Sawyer self entertains and crawls and jumps all over us and keeps me smiling.   Someday Lincoln will feel as good as Sawyer does.  It will get better.  Brighter days are right around the corner.  I can feel it.


Mike said...

I love you.

:) Dad

Mom said...

Hang in there Cheryl. One day you will look back on this and know that you gave Lincoln the very best care you could possibly give. I am proud of you. Daily you teach me. In the same way you love Lincoln more than you ever thought you could, I love you and Lincoln. Better days to come, better days to come.

Amanda said...

oh, i hope those birghter days come soon for you both. you are such a good mom. you really really are! thanks for your sweet comment on my blog.

Jena said...

You always amaze me Cheryl- you are such an incredible person and mom! I wish I was there to help out. I miss you and my little buddies. Give them hugs for me. And give yourself a big one too! You totally ROCK!!!

Lisa LaBanc said...

Your capacity to love is so inspiring. You are so patient and endure long suffering well. Better days a comin

DC Diva said...

Amen to everyone's comments. My heart is breaking reading this and I just watched the Taylor swift song so that's not helping. I'm so sorry you're having another tough week. I'm so sorry Lincoln is so sick. I'm so sorry the four of you have to go through this. You are an incredible mother. I can't help but think how you'll look back on this and not only know you did your best but be so bonded to lincoln in a way the rest of us don't get to. I told you I thought of you so much on AB's first day of school. It's like every milestone he has will be so victorious and extra special and we will all celebrate and rejoice with you. Better days are ahead. I love you.

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Jill said...

Hang in their Cheryl. You are so strong and such a wonderful mother to those boys.

Bryce, Jessica, Isaac, Sophie, Ivy said...

Cheryl, I just saw your post. You endure so well and handle all that is thrown at you better than anyone I know. I am certain better days are around the corner. I wish I could hurry them along for you or be there to help lighten the burdens of the day. Lincoln is the luckiest little boy to have you for his mom. LOVES