Before all this crazy nightmare started my parents already had a trip planned out to visit us from February 2nd until the 10th. My mom and I bought tickets to see "Billy Elliot" at the Benedum Theater downtown and were both really excited. After everything that's happened we debated if we should still go. We decided that we would. My dad and Ryan would be home with the boys and we figured it'd be good to try and forget about things for a while. It was good, and I'm glad we went. I forgot about my troubles periodically throughout the performance. During one tender scene between Billy and his deceased mom my mom and I were both in tears and part of me wished we'd stayed home, but overall glad we got out.
I am dreading tomorrow. We go in at 8:30 for another bone biopsy and his first chemotherapy treatments through his port. I'm so scared he's going to freak out when we drive up to the hospital. He was so happy to leave and it's his first time back after being there for 11 days straight.
I'm afraid the whole thing is going to be a disaster. He's going to wake up starving and we're not going to be able to give him any food or drink because he's going under anesthesia. He's going to cry for food the whole time and not understand. It's going to be worse because of the steroids. He's not going to want to take off his shirt, or get cleaned or hold still while they access his port for the first time.
The truth is I don't really know what to except after that. I hope they just give him the chemo while he's out after they do the biopsy. I hope they don't drag it out into two separate procedures, but for some reason I think they will.
Mostly I'm so afraid of the biopsy results. I'm afraid if the percentage of cancerous cells in his bone marrow haven't dropped significantly I won't be able to take it. Thinking about it makes me nauseous. I have to remind myself to inhale and exhale.
I guess this is when I remember I have to be brave. For him.