Thursday, February 2, 2012

Induction Phase Day 16 - A Night Out

Billy Elliot
Before all this crazy nightmare started my parents already had a trip planned out to visit us from February 2nd until the 10th. My mom and I bought tickets to see "Billy Elliot" at the Benedum Theater downtown and were both really excited. After everything that's happened we debated if we should still go. We decided that we would. My dad and Ryan would be home with the boys and we figured it'd be good to try and forget about things for a while. It was good, and I'm glad we went. I forgot about my troubles periodically throughout the performance. During one tender scene between Billy and his deceased mom my mom and I were both in tears and part of me wished we'd stayed home, but overall glad we got out.

Dreading tomorrow
I am dreading tomorrow. We go in at 8:30 for another bone biopsy and his first chemotherapy treatments through his port. I'm so scared he's going to freak out when we drive up to the hospital. He was so happy to leave and it's his first time back after being there for 11 days straight.

I'm afraid the whole thing is going to be a disaster. He's going to wake up starving and we're not going to be able to give him any food or drink because he's going under anesthesia. He's going to cry for food the whole time and not understand. It's going to be worse because of the steroids. He's not going to want to take off his shirt, or get cleaned or hold still while they access his port for the first time.

The truth is I don't really know what to except after that. I hope they just give him the chemo while he's out after they do the biopsy. I hope they don't drag it out into two separate procedures, but for some reason I think they will.

Mostly I'm so afraid of the biopsy results. I'm afraid if the percentage of cancerous cells in his bone marrow haven't dropped significantly I won't be able to take it. Thinking about it makes me nauseous. I have to remind myself to inhale and exhale.

I guess this is when I remember I have to be brave. For him.

9 comments:

Heather said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way--we put Lincoln's name on the DC Temple's prayer roll this week. Good luck tomorrow. We will be thinking and praying for you!

DC Diva said...

I think your names are on the DC prayer roll alone about 7 times...

Oh I'm nervous for today too. Praying all goes well and we get good low numbers!

Glad you and mom had a night out.

MPk said...

We are praying for him and all of you in every prayer! We love you!

Akasha Marie said...

We pray for you guys every night. You are the bravest woman I know, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Jess said...

Praying that things are going well today...I agree with Akasha, you are the bravest women I know! Hang in there!

Haley said...

Cheryl. . I found out about Lincoln in a roundabout way. I've been checking your blog every few days to see how things are going. I can't imagine the fear and stress you are under. Wayne is doing a fellowship in Heme/Onc. I've told him about the things that I've read about your little guy. You are brave, you are strong. We are praying for you and your family.

Laura@art4littlehands said...

Hang in there! I am so sorry. My empathy for you is strong although I have never gone through anything like this and I don't really know you. I just put myself in your shoes and cry every time I read your blog. I guess since I have Grace at the same age as Lincoln and have a husband in residency far from home I put myself in your shoes fast. If I am feeling pain over this I can't even imagine what you feel. I hope his tests were better this time. I wish I could make your burden lighter. Sometimes music helps me to feel a bit better. The song Breathe comes to mind right now Be sure to listen to some uplifting tunes when you can. My thoughts are with you.

Laura from the gym.

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