Monday, August 2, 2010

Yikes, Less than a month!

Wow…the final days are approaching before baby Harris #2 arrives.  Words cannot express how completely different things have been this time around.  Lincoln’s pregnancy dragged and seemed like an eternity.  I had a count-down started on my calendar over a hundred days before my due date.  This one has come and gone in the blink of an eye -  understandably so given the two opposite pregnancy circumstances.  With Lincoln I’d been trying to get pregnant and stay pregnant for years.  This time it was a surprise after having a baby 3 months earlier and still recovering and adjusting to that.  Since then I’ve had Lincoln occupying me this whole pregnancy, so I’ve hardly given Baby 2 a second thought.  Do I feel guilty about this?  Yes.  Although I feel like this is normal.  Baby 2 is getting the short end of the stick in a lot of ways.  He’ll be in a pack and play rather than a lush crib like Lincoln.  His room’s smaller and not nearly as decorated.  He’ll have to share my attention with Lincoln.  The list goes on and on.  However, I am the second child in my family, but I still feel loved and think I turned out alright, so I’m not too worried about it.  I know I’ll love him just as much and he’ll have a big brother to entertain him everyday.  That’s something Lincoln hasn’t had this year.

Do I feel ready?  Materials wise…yes, just need to buy diapers and get out the newborn clothes.  Mentally, physically, emotionally?  Not-so-much.  I’m pretty nervous about the whole thing.  Lincoln’s quite demanding – he doesn’t even walk yet and won’t hold his own bottle - and Ryan’s very busy.  I was pretty much a stress case the first few months with Lincoln and was at home with the help of my mom and family until he was 3 months old.  I’m petrified of nursing and of getting mastitis from hell again. I don’t even really want to try it but feel like I should.  These are my feelings.  Do I feel guilty for not being over the moon excited like I was with Lincoln?  Yes.  Am I grateful that I at least I am having another successful pregnancy because for the longest time that’s all I wished and prayed for?  Yes.   

Another example of the differences in pregnancies…documentation.  With Lincoln I had my sister take a ton of maternity pictures of me about half way through my pregnancy and then my good friend Emily take

these more professional pictures the week of my delivery.  And I had monthly pics my husband would snap of my growing belly.  This pregnancy… pictures!  I’m really fine with it and over the whole pregnant picture thing, but for those of you who have been asking for it and in an attempt to be somewhat fair to baby #2 (not that I really think he’ll care. Do any of you care if you do or don’t have pictures of your mom when she was pregnant with you?) here I am….37 weeks along.

IMG_6039 IMG_6041 IMG_6035


Amanda and Paul said...

you look SOOO GOOD. i'm excited for you. you are a great mom and will adjust better than you think. i will always be around too to help if you need anything!

Amanda said...

Seriously, you look amazing. I look as big as you and I'm only 28 weeks along. You make me sick, but in the most loving way possible.

hi! said...

i validate all of your feelings

Mom said...

I think you will be surprised at how in so many ways baby #2 will be easier. You are right, as baby #2 in my life you were just as loved!

DC Diva said...

So much to say about this...

First of all, you look amazing. Are those even maternity shorts? Why do I feel like no... they're just big and you don't button them.

Second, I felt all these same things w/ my 2nd pregnancy. You know. It's just the way it is. It's never the same as your first pregnancy. But the perks are as follows:

*YES, baby #2 gets an older brother. Something Lincoln never had and this is a HUGE plus in the love department. Just think of how lucky you are to have ME! :)

*Baby #2 is so much easier. SO MUCH. Everyone told me, but I really didn't realize it until it happened. The labor, delivery, post... everything. The huge key is you KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING this time. You'll see. And I'm convinced nursing will go better for you. I just promise you it will.

*Give it a few months, then years and your boys will be best friends/playmates. HUGE perk!

It's true... Lincoln will be your challenge, NOT the baby. But you will adjust. All 4 of you will. Mom will help. I will help. And then... you'll "just figure it out." This includes Lincoln. This will force him to toughen up a little. It may be a bumpy transition but he will benefit from this in the long run b/c he'll HAVE to be less dependent.

If you think you feel guilty now, just wait until he's here. I feel guilty all the time that I can't love/hold/snuggle/gush over Max like I did Anderson b/c, well, I'm dealing w/ Anderson! That's been the biggest difference for me: less time to love and hold the baby which makes the time (5 weeks already... what??) FLY by!

Speaking of flying, I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone for you and for all of us. More than both of mine, Ali's and yours w/ Lincoln. SO FAST! I can't wait to meet him. You are a wonderful mother and your boys are SO blessed to come to you.

P.S. Um, I think your math is pretty off. "after having a baby 3 months earlier..." Pretty sure it was 6 months. 3 months REALLY would have been insane, if not impossible! (It was Christmas remember... Lincoln was 6 months...)

Heather Ross said...

I am beyond excited to see you become a mother to many, many precious babies. I wish we lived closer together so we could get our little boys together and they could talk about baby stuff. Perhaps I'll plan a road trip in the future. You'll be amazing with two babies and your boys will grow up feeling lucky to be so close in age. I hope Ryan has some easy rotations coming up! Love ya!

Laurel said...

You are so cute pregnant! I know you will do awesome with baby #2 and I am here to help as well!

Kimberly said...

Oh, Cheryl. I could have written so many of the things you just wrote! I do feel like I'm much more nervous about this next baby's arrival than excited...and yes, I feel guilty for that, too! Like everyone before me has said, though, it will work out. I know you'll be a wonderful mother to your two little men. You're in my thoughts as your due date nears, and I can't wait to see pictures when your baby boy makes his arrival! I miss seeing you. Hope you are doing well! :)

Kim Reeves

Desiree Bowen said...

Cheryl I sure do miss you and wish I could see your *lovely* self in person! Seriously, you look *fantastic*. Remember if you have nursing issues again NOT TO FEEL LIKE A BAD MOM! You know I will be your formula buddy if you decide to switch over! It is so not that big of a deal! Read that article I sent you again to remind yourself!!! :)

Miss you!!