Monday, May 14, 2012

Disappointment at the Hospital

Ugh...Lincoln's appointment at the hospital went exactly opposite of what I'd hoped for. 

Bummer Number 1.
To start the next phase of his treatment his ANC blood count has to be above 750.  Last Monday it was at 200.  The Thursday before that it was at 100.  So we thought it was on the rise and he'd be ready to go for today but it was back DOWN to 100!  Had it been above 750 he would have been admitted for the next 4/5 days and received some new drugs on his treatment plan.  Now we have to wait another week and hope he'll be ready to go next Monday.  That was the first bummer of the appointment. 

Bummer Number 2.
I thought once his started this phase he could plow through it regardless of his counts.  I found out today I was wrong.  This phase consists of 4 hospitalizations about 5 days each time, every other week.  Today I found out the hospitalizations are only every other week as long as his ANC is above 750 each time.  So now, judging from the past few months, he'll probably have delays between every treatment, and this phase will drag out into August. 

All of this is hugely annoying and disappointing in and of itself...but on top of that remember how we're supposed to be moving to North Carolina the last week of June?!  Remember how we really want to finish this phase here in Pittsburgh because this hospital is excellent?  Remember how I have a one year old I have to find babysitting for every time Lincoln's hospitalized and now I'm going to never know when that will be until the day of?  Remember how I'm flying to Utah twice in the next month for two weddings and have no way of planning coverage for Lincoln in the hospital while I'm gone until I'm already gone?  Remember how I'm a planner and like know what to expect? 

I am definitively frustrated, but at the same time I feel oddly calm about the whole thing.  I think I accepted a long time ago that there are only a few things I can control throughout this whole experience.  I can control how much I can love and comfort and be there for Lincoln.  I can control to an extent how clean my house is and how exposed Lincoln is to people and germs.  The rest I just have to turn over to God and have faith that everything will work out.  There are a few other things we should remember.  Remember how I've been blessed with a sister and sister in law who are willing to drive 4 hours to Pittsburgh to pick up Sawyer and take him for a week at the drop of a hat? Remember how I have local friends willing to take turns watching Sawyer all day with little notice?  Remember how I have parents and a mother in law who are planning on flying out to help us move and watch Sawyer and help me adjust to a new city and hospital?  Remember how Lincoln is in remission and most likely going to be just fine?  Remember how I have a Savior who loves me and knows all my pains and frustrations and a Heavenly Father who hears my prayers and has an eternal plan for me and my life?  Glad we remembered :)

Oh, And Happy Mother's Day.  Best.Job.On.Earth.


Ashley Rae said...

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this. How heart-wrenching it would be to see your child suffer. You have such a great attitude, though! And that really makes such a huge difference. Lincoln is lucky to have you as a mom. Your family is so beautiful.
Everything will work out great. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. :)

Jennifer Daniel said...

Remember how much I love and respect you and am consistently amazed and humbled by your faith and outlook? Not that I forgot, but thanks for the reminder. Cheryl, you are amazing, I don't have any idea what to say or how to help, but I just had to tell you that I am here, and so grateful to have you here on this earth <3

Karie said...

You are amazing Cheryl. I am so sorry about the disappointments but you truly inspire me with your positive outlook. I tell friends about you all the time. I wish I lived closer so I could help you out! I will keep praying for you guys.

Heather said...

Remember, when you are 100 years old you will look back on these years when the boys are little as some of the happiest, best years of your life. These set backs don't change one bit how precious and special toddler boys are or how lucky you are to be home with them to watch them grow up.


Ali Snow said...

Oh Cheryl - you have such an amazing attitude and perspective. Everything will work out - I know it will. I'm sorry though that with this new info it makes it impossible to plan anything. Love you.

Lisa Weiler said...

Uggh cheryl that is so frustrating, i'm so sorry for another delay. you are so great for remembering the good in everything. you are such a good example to me and such a good mom. happy mothers day to you!!

Mom said...

Cheryl I am so proud of you. Each day I am so blessed by your life and attitude about this journey you and family have been sent on. I am so frustrated that he couldn't have started treatment Monday. One day this will all be over and you can look back knowing that you handled it with faith, dignity, gratitude and faith. You are my hero. I love you.